Category Archives: Humor

WORK AND A GOOD HOT SHOWER

Since the kids were gone today the wife and I did some of our Fall Cleaning (inside the house) and also cleared some land this morning, the remains of which I’ll haul off later with the tractor.

Then we gave each other showers. Which was good. Woman scrubbed me so hard and so well that I kinda feel like I’m sparkling now. Literally sparkling.

Now that’s the way you do it.

Lol…

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WHAT THE… WHAT’S GOING ON?!

What it looks like when your wife wakes you up late at night to have sex. Not that I’m not amenable, cause I am (a guy will always trade away sleep for sex), it’s just that she can’t get expect to jump start me like a push mower engine.  I’m not fuel injected either though, I still have a carburetor.

You gotta prime me a little.

I’m middle aged now and you gotta crank the propeller when I’m just waking up and still dead cold. Lol!

 

MEA CULPA

Since my wife was in Columbia this past week I accidentally screwed up and cleaned her car. Inside and out.

Yesterday I picked up my youngest daughter from my parents in it and the first thing she said was, “Wait a second… Is mom’s car clean?

“Why yes,” I replied.  “How did you ever notice?”

“Well, the obvious lack of dirt of course,” she said. “But it also smells so nice.”

“Don’t it though,” I said, smiling inwardly to myself.

Now I guess my wife just has to drive around with a clean car.  At least until two or three days have passed anyway.

My bad…

GO TO HELL? BEEN THERE, DONE THAT…

Aging space probe records odd emanations on Mercury

Aging space probe records odd emanations on Mercury

NASA/Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory/Carnegie Institution of Washington

Aging space probe records odd emanations on Mercury
Rich oversees Science‘s international coverage.

Staff Writer

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an unusual press conference here today, NASA released a batch of bizarre sound recordings and video from the Messenger spacecraft moments before it impacted the surface of Mercury. Scientists are struggling to decipher what the data mean, but some contend they sound like human voices crying out in agony.

Messenger had been orbiting Mercury since 2011, but it used up nearly all of its propellant and was drifting closer to the surface of the planet. So last week, NASA officials decided to point the probe nose downward for a controlled crash. “We were hoping it would kick up some soot for spectroscopic analysis,” says Messenger Principal Investigator Angra Mainyu, a planetary scientist at Columbia University. Just what it did find instead is not entirely clear.

At the press conference, Mainyu played grainy recordings of what sounded like anguished voices in various languages. And she showed even grainier images of what appeared to be writhing figures. When asked by a reporter how NASA interpreted the data, Mainyu shrugged her shoulders and said, “How the hell should I know?”

Reactions to the news were swift and, in some cases, decisive. Welcoming what he called “ineluctable evidence of hell,” Father Felix Flammis, a spokesperson for the Vatican Observatory in Italy, said: “This wonderful discovery shows that science and religion can work together to discover the truth.” But Richard Dawkins, the famed evolutionary biologist and atheist, rejected the finding. “This is clearly a bunch of drivel,” he says. “Wind whistling past the spacecraft, electronic noise—there obviously has to be some other explanation.” Even if the evidence holds up, he quips, “proof of the devil ain’t the same as proof of God.”

The findings are somewhat of a surprise, because Venus had long been the leading contender, in our solar system at any rate, for harboring Hades. With a mean surface temperature of 462°C, an oppressive atmosphere, and sulfuric acid rains, it certainly seems to fit biblical descriptions. “Plus, it’s much closer to Earth, so lost souls would be only a hop, skip, and a jump from hell,” says Thor Kölski, an astrophysicist at the University of the Valkyrs in Reykjavik. Kölski has pinpointed the likely epicenter of hell as Venus’s Ganiki Chasma, a rift zone where infrared flashes were first observed last year—phenomena that he asserts are new arrivals to the underworld.

Still others think there may be multiple hells within our solar system. “Everything we know about string theory tells us that the ‘Many Hells theory’ isn’t only plausible, it highly likely,” says Franklyn Stein, a theoretical physicist at University College London.

Luminaries in the scientific community are by and large embracing the notion of hell. Even Stephen Hawking is on board. The cosmologist stirred controversy in 2010, when he wrote in his book The Grand Design that “[i]t is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going.” Earlier today, Hawking tweeted: “The devil is a different story. All hail Messenger!”

The discovery should provide a major shot in the arm to NASA, whose fortunes in Washington have faded since it retired the space shuttles in 2011. “This is a proud day for the space agency,” says Don Tey, a spokesperson for the Planetary Society in Pasadena, California, who insists that it’s merely a coincidence that the announcement was made on April Fools’ Day. “Congress told NASA to go to hell, and, by Jove, they made it.”

Posted in Space

DISNEY (RE)DOES BAMBI

Lol!

DIE TECHNIKER IST KAPUT!

This was absolutely freakin hilarious. I laughed for a long, long time…

So last month, an electric door at the University of Mainz in Germany broke down.

So last month, an electric door at the University of Mainz in Germany broke down.

Frankenstone3D / Via imgur.com

“BROKEN. The technician has been informed.”

The next day the door wasn’t fixed: “Technician also broken.”

The next day the door wasn't fixed: "Technician also broken."

Frankenstone3D / Via imgur.com

Then a second notice appeared, referencing a contestant on the German version of Wife Swap. It reads: “Everything stays exactly the way it is!”

Then a second notice appeared, referencing a contestant on the German version of Wife Swap. It reads: “Everything stays exactly the way it is!”

Frankenstone3D / Via imgur.com

And suddenly the meme floodgates opened.

And suddenly the meme floodgates opened.

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A day later, and the university’s meme lovers had left the door looking like this.

A day later, and the university's meme lovers had left the door looking like this.

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Three days later, and the door still wasn’t working. In fact it looked like this.

Three days later, and the door still wasn't working. In fact it looked like this.

And then – OMG. The memes had gone. GONE.

And then – OMG. The memes had gone. GONE.

Frankenstone3D / Via imgur.com

But one lone memeist decided to hold firm against the unknown meme removers.

But one lone memeist decided to hold firm against the unknown meme removers.

Frankenstone3D / Via imgur.com

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The university dean could obviously take a joke. He thanked the memeists for their creativity, but said they sadly had to be removed due to fire regulations.

Then came a note PROMISING that the technician had been informed, but they were just waiting on a single technical part, which would be there in a few days.

Then came a note PROMISING that the technician had been informed, but they were just waiting on a single technical part, which would be there in a few days.

Frankenstone3D / Via imgur.com

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Brandschutzvorschriften = fire safety regulations, of course.

But the memes continued to build…

But the memes continued to build...

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…and build…

...and build...

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“If the door fails, Europe fails.”

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Until finally: It was repaired!

THE LOBISON

It’s awful weird, but it’s kinda cool too. I have heard much of the 7th son of the 7th son, but never this hairy tale/tail.

President of Argentina adopts Jewish godson to ‘stop him turning into a werewolf’

The tradition to stop stigma about the ‘lobison’ has continued for a century

The President of Argentina has adopted a young Jewish man as her godson to stop him turning into a werewolf.

President Christina Fernández de Kirchner met Yair Tawil and his family at her office last week to mark the unusual ceremony, which dates back more than 100 years.

According to Argentinian folklore, the seventh son born to a family turns into the feared “el lobison”.

The werewolf-like creature shows its true nature on the first Friday after boy’s 13th birthday, the legend says, turning the boy into a demon at midnight during every full moon, doomed to hunt and kill before returning to human form.

As well as feeding on excrement, unbaptized babies, and the flesh of the recently dead, the lobison was said to be unnaturally strong and able to spread its curse with a bite.

Fear of the lobison was so rife in 19th Century Argentina that some families abandoned or even murdered baby boys – an atrocity that sparked the unusual Presidential practice of adoption, aimed at stopping the deadly stigma.

Starting in 1907, the tradition was formally established by a decree in 1973 by Juan Domingo Peron, which also extended the practice to baby girls.
Seventh sons or daughters – now much rarer than 100 years ago – gain the President as their official godparent as well as a gold medal and full educational scholarship.

Even now, reports of dog-like creatures attacking livestock continue, as does the tradition.

Ms Fernandez said Yair is the first Jewish boy to be adopted, as the tradition only applied to Catholic children until 2009.She described her meeting with him and his family on 23 December as a “magical moment”.

Calling the Tawils a “marvellous family” she described Yair as “a total sweety” and dubbed his mother “Queen Esther.”

Shlomo and Nehama Tawil, parents of seven boys, had written the President a letter in 1993 and got their wish this year, the Jewish Telegraphic Agency reported, attending the ceremony with their son and three of his brothers.

Pictures showed them lighting Hanukkah candles together on a menorah from Israel presented to the president by the Tawil family.