MANLY MARRIAGE

Podcast #239: Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

If you’re a man on the precipice of marriage or have marriage as a life goal, one worry you likely have is “Will my marriage last?”

While divorce rates have been decreasing since they reached their peak in the late 1970s and early ’80s, there’s still a perception out there that marriage is just a crapshoot — a game of Russian roulette — and that the odds favor you ending up in a family court, or at best in a sad and loveless relationship. 

My guest today argues that doesn’t have to be your fate as long as you take a proactive approach to marriage. With some thought and intentionality, you can help ensure that you have a happy, loving, fulfilling relationship that lasts until death do you part. His name is Les Parrott and he’s a clinical psychologist specializing in marriage and family. He, along with his wife Leslie, who’s also a marriage therapist, have written a book to help couples prepare themselves for matrimonial commitment. It’s called Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before — And After — You Marry

Today on the show, Les and I discuss how a man can know if he’s personally ready for marriage, the myths people have about marriage that set them up for disappointment, and the conversations you should be having with your future spouse to help ensure you have a happy life together. While the conversation is geared towards soon-to-be-marrieds and newlyweds, even if you’ve been married for a couple decades, you’re going to find some useful advice and insights in this show.

Show Highlights

  • How to know if you’re ready for marriage
  • Why self-awareness is paramount for a successful relationship
  • The five attitudes towards marriage Millennials have
  • The effectiveness of pre-marital counseling in helping stave off divorce
  • What happy marriages look like
  • The expectations people have coming into marriage that can set them up for failure
  • The unspoken rules and unconscious roles in a marriage
  • The three factors that contribute to lasting love
  • How love changes as a relationship progresses and how to nurture it through the years
  • Why marriages are their strongest after 25+ years
  • How to cultivate passion in a long-term relationship
  • The saboteurs of marriage
  • The different needs of men and women in a relationship
  • Why conflict is good for a relationship and how to have a “good fight”
  • What couples who have been married for awhile, but are experiencing marital problems, can do to solve them

Resources/Studies/People Mentioned in Podcast

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Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts is filled with research-backed insights and actionable steps that about-to-be married or newlywed couples can use to make sure their marriage starts off on the right foot. Even if you’ve been married for a few years, you’re going to find the book useful. Also, consider taking the Parrotts’ SYMBIS Assessment with your spouse for further insights about your marriage. 

Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!)

PRAYERS ARE SWEET AND ALL BUT ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO… GETTING OFF YOUR KNEES AND YOUR ASS

Prayers are sweet and all but prayers as a lead in and/or follow up to actual repentance (if you are doing wrong), or to rendering real aid (if your intention is to do any real good) are far, far superior to just praying.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for praying. I do it every day.

But if you are involved in actual wrong then get off your damned knees immediately and try actually repenting (the very best kind of prayer when you’re doing wrong), and if you see others in trouble then get off your damned ass and act as well. Because that is the very most effective kind of prayer when it comes to doing good.

A passive and ineffectual Christian is of no damned use to anyone.

Including God.

I sicken to my bowels of the passive,  prayer alone and prayer obsessed modern Christian of the West. So when you’re finished with your prayers then stand the hell up like a real man or woman and do something. Something good. Something solid. Something helpful. Something measurable. By God.

Instead of just begging endlessly that God fix you or fix the world for you.

You’re aswim in your no-effort, bullshit, self-created theologies and ideologies and have forgotten your duties, commandments and actual obligations. The ones to yourself, to God, and to your neighbor and fellow-man.

You wanna do some actual good then pray for the energy and the balls and the brains to get off your damned knees and ass and do something. That’s what you should be praying for.

Pray that you stop being so damned cowardly and passive.

MEA CULPA

Since my wife was in Columbia this past week I accidentally screwed up and cleaned her car. Inside and out.

Yesterday I picked up my youngest daughter from my parents in it and the first thing she said was, “Wait a second… Is mom’s car clean?

“Why yes,” I replied.  “How did you ever notice?”

“Well, the obvious lack of dirt of course,” she said. “But it also smells so nice.”

“Don’t it though,” I said, smiling inwardly to myself.

Now I guess my wife just has to drive around with a clean car.  At least until two or three days have passed anyway.

My bad…

TO BOLDLY FORM…

WHAT WHAT?

How Did Early Judicial Systems Evolve?

DailyHistory.org Blog

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We think today that an effective judicial system is necessary for any society to function and provide justice to its citizens. The concept of justice, in fact, has evolved from very early written history, showing some similarities early on with modern ideas of law and justice for individuals. Laws and a formal judicial system developed over time in an attempt to punish crimes and regulate commerce.

Read the article at DailyHistory.org.

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Does not the biblical emphasis on obedience lend itself to legalism (e.g., Deut. 4:1)?

Gachiepm Web Collection.

Does not the biblical emphasis on obedience lend itself to legalism (e.g., Deut. 4:1)?

The biblical emphasis on obedience goes against the grain of our fallen human nature. Obedience is often perceived as a curtailment of one’s freedom. We tend to associate it with subjection to someone or some law. But in the Bible obedience is something positive.

1. Obedience and Hearing/Listening: Biblical religion is a religion of the ear. It is based on the fact that God addressed humans through His Word, revealing to them His person and will. This divine speaking lies at the very foundation of human obedience. This explains the fact that in the Bible the verb “to hear/listen” often means “to obey” (e.g., Heb. shama‘, “to hear, obey” [Ex. 24:7; Isa. 42:24]; ’azan, “to hear” [Ex. 15:26]; Gr. akouō, “to hear, obey” [Mark 9:7]). We could not properly speak about obedience without a previous divine…

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